George Carlin Quotes.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.